*Thwack-thwack-thwack-thwack-thwack!*
A cleaver danced rapidly across the cutting board, sending mangled vegetable leaves flying into a boiling cauldron.
Most of the vegetables in the pot had already been cooked down into a curry-colored mush. It bubbled and gurgled over a high flame, its thick consistency reminiscent of pig slop.
The man with the cleaver chopped another two large basins of greens before flinging the knife aside, where it stuck fast in the cutting board.
He then grabbed a handful of coarse salt and tossed it carelessly into the pot, not even bothering to stir.
With his work done, Xu Shan sat down by the stove, picked up a bronze mirror, and silently observed his reflection, a wave of melancholy washing over him.
The third month. This was his third full month since he’d transmigrated to this world.
He had been a corporate drone at an advertising agency, negotiating a deal with a client at a high-end club.
The client was acting all high and mighty, running his mouth and bragging about how much money he’d made selling disinfectants and hygiene products a few years back… going on and on about his rags-to-riches story.
Xu Shan, who’d had a bit too much to drink, finally snapped. He took off his leather shoe and unleashed a flurry of blows on the man’s face.
The beating smeared a face full of shoe polish onto the portly client, sending the hostesses in the private room scattering and screaming.
After beating up the client, Xu Shan staggered out of the club.
He puked his guts out in the revolving door at the entrance, which sobered him up a little.
A scene to imagine…
The moment the cold wind hit him, his courage evaporated.
If he were on his own, with no one to feed but himself, it wouldn't have mattered. But his family… that was another story.
They had struggled to put him, their only son, through college. He’d become a team leader at his company and, after so many years of work, was on the verge of a promotion. Now, it was all down the drain.
His family didn't have much money. His parents' meager pensions were just enough to get by.
Not only could he no longer support them, but he couldn't afford to become a burden.
But with the economy booming, where would he find another job after losing this one?
Standing at the entrance of the club, Xu Shan was lost. His heart was filled with sorrow, though he tried to console himself.
Worst case, he’d go in and resign tomorrow. A preemptive strike to save a little face.
He still had part-time gigs he could do. There were plenty of online jobs clicking for cash, apps that gave you coins for checking in, free samples at the supermarket, sneaking snacks at buffet restaurants while pretending to be a customer… In modern society, was it really possible to starve?
Xu Shan’s mind was a chaotic mess, right up until he saw a shooting star.
Perhaps he was still drunk, but the star seemed to be drifting slowly, and very close.
Fueled by liquid courage, Xu Shan steeled himself and sprinted toward the meteor, shouting a wish for time to rewind by one hour, much to the horror of a nearby homeless man.
There’s no shame in a young man feeling fear after the fact. From the day he’d entered the workforce, his pitiful shred of self-respect had been tied to his performance metrics—inversely, of course.
Xu Shan broke into a full sprint and successfully caught the shooting star… with his face.
And just like that, he inexplicably took over someone else’s body and memories, ending up here, in the Xinglan Sect, a cultivation sect.
Fortunately, the original owner of the body was also named Xu Shan, an Outer Sect Disciple of the Xinglan Sect in charge of the kitchens.
Even with the original owner’s memories, he had spent the first month tossing and turning through sleepless nights.
This was a world of cultivation, rife with strange perils, where the weak were prey for the strong.
And he wasn't an orphan; he still had family and friends back on Earth.
He may have loved reading web novels in his past life, but now that he was actually living one, it turned out he was one of those guys who only liked the idea of it.
His only consolation was that the original owner possessed a devastatingly handsome face, with sword-like eyebrows, starry eyes, and an air of righteousness.
If things really went south, he could always find a sugar mama. A dream he never fulfilled in his past life might just come true in this one…
After staring at the mirror for a while, Xu Shan closed his eyes. Forming a sword-finger gesture, he pressed it to the spot between his eyebrows and sank into his consciousness.
A palm-sized, ancient Qing Seal, engraved with ever-shifting, mystical runes, appeared in his mind.
Xu Shan expertly focused his spirit on the Qing Seal.
The shifting runes on the seal paused, and two of them suddenly lit up.
In an instant, corresponding runes flashed in sequence on the center of his forehead, making him look a bit like the famous depiction of the god Erlang Shen.
Two items abruptly appeared before Xu Shan.
A white towel and a second-hand, top-loading washing machine…
The washing machine looked particularly out of place in the kitchen of the Xinglan Sect’s Outer Sect, but Xu Shan was already used to it.
He wrapped the towel around his hand, hoisted up the washing machine, and began to study it closely.
This was his greatest secret. The Qing Seal in his mind was undoubtedly the culprit behind his transmigration.
At first, he thought it was some kind of golden finger, but it turned out to be completely useless, capable of summoning only junk.
The washing machine was just an ordinary washing machine. The towel smelled of rancid oil, as if it had been picked up from some back-alley kitchen.
After studying them for a long time, however, he had discovered one special quality: both items were far more durable than ordinary objects. At his current realm of Qi Refinement Great Perfection, he couldn't even scratch them.
Hugging the washing machine and holding the towel, he examined them once more, but again, he found nothing new.
Xu Shan sighed in resignation. With a thought, the two items returned to the runes of the Qing Seal.
He got up, extinguished the fire under the stove, and ladled the mush from the large pot into basins. Then, Xu Shan waited for the disciples to arrive for their meal.
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Before long, the kitchen door was pushed open.
An Outer Sect Disciple walked in and greeted Xu Shan the moment he saw him.
"Xiao Liu, you're here. The food's over there, help yourself."
Seeing it was his fellow Outer Sect Disciple and roommate, Chen Liu, Xu Shan jutted his chin toward the stove.
Xiao Liu’s eyes landed on the mush on the stove, and the corner of his eye began to twitch violently.
*Damn it! He made this again? We’ve been eating this stuff for over two months, and he’s getting more and more careless with it!*
"Senior Brother Xu… there are some things I’d rather not say, but don't you think it's a bit much to be cooking pig slop for everyone every day? What in the world has gotten into you these past two months!" Xiao Liu cried out in grief and indignation.
"What pig slop? This is army stew!" Xu Shan corrected loudly, before his expression turned somber again. "You think I want to make this, Brother? There's… no time."
Xiao Liu immediately fell silent.
Everyone knew about Xu Shan's situation. Although he had been feeding them pig slop for two months, they had also seen the frenzy with which he trained.
The reason was simple: any Outer Sect Disciple who failed to reach Foundation Establishment within twenty years of practice would be expelled.
The time was almost up for Xu Shan's batch of disciples. They were about to be cast out of the sect, their path to immortality severed.
A Qi Refining cultivator's foundation was unstable. Without the support of spiritual energy, their cultivation would continuously fade if they returned to the mortal world, until they became ordinary humans again. Almost no cultivator with even a shred of ambition could bear such a fate, not even a mere Qi Refining scrub.
"There are only three days left before I'm kicked out. I'm stuck at Qi Refinement Great Perfection with no chance of breaking through to Foundation Establishment. My only choice is to risk my life and force my way through the Inner Sect Trial."
Xiao Liu's eyes widened. "Senior Brother Xu, I've heard that the Inner Sect Trial results in serious injury at best, and death at worst! Only three people have passed it since the sect was founded… Wouldn't it be better to return to the mortal world, become a rich man, and enjoy worldly pleasures? Why are you so fixated on this?"
"We both have low-grade Spiritual Roots. Reaching Qi Refinement Great Perfection is pretty much our limit. No amount of effort will change that. If it were me, I'd rather be the head of a chicken than the tail of a phoenix."
*I've thought the same thing myself…*
Xu Shan pressed his lips together and gave him a meaningful look. "Ah, Liu, you make it sound so nice, but if you choose that path, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Let's not even talk about other things. Those senior sisters in the Inner Sect can all practice Inedia. They can go ten years without bathing and still smell fragrant. You become a mortal, so what if you sleep with the most beautiful woman? She'll stink if she doesn't shower for two days. You'll never get to touch a little fairy who doesn't poop! You'd be lucky if you could even touch her sock! That would be a blessing from your ancestors!"
Xiao Liu's face turned pale, and he took two steps back.
It was fine before his senior brother said anything, but now that he had, ordinary women suddenly seemed a little… disgusting.
...
(Newbie author, new book! Please follow and show your support during this new book period… The first twenty or so chapters are a bit of a slow burn, so I hope everyone will give me a chance!)
Proofreader: Peter Pan